Technagora

Yesterday, CRACKED.com posted a fantastically scathing indictment of the media and their (non)coverage of the important issues involved in the 2008 election. ATSRTWT – it’s a great read. Here’s the gist:

Dear Media,

What’s this thing about? The big thing. The thing that’s happening in a few months or so. The thing with all those well-dressed people talking at each other. You know…

The election.

What’s it about?

…

Okay, onto Barack’s [CNN.com] page and his video for energy. It’s called “Obama hits McCain on Energy.”

-”We’re investing in the next generation of automobiles.” That’s nice. Kind of reminds me of ‘The power is yours,‘ or ‘Trust the Force.’ Very hopeful if, perhaps, empty.
-Next, Obama points out something Bush’s energy department said about some other energy plan, (not his, though). Seems kind of unrelated, but whatever.
-Obama criticizes this aforementioned plan, saying “What they don’t tell you,” is that it won’t have a positive impact on gas prices until 2030. Obama is outraged. Still not totally sure why he’s talking about this plan. I want to hear about his. It’s so easy to look impressive when you’re criticizing a clearly flawed plan that no one is going to defend.

Plus, why is it just a video of Obama talking? All I hear from him speeches, albeit, terrific speeches, that inspire hope, though not much confidence. I can get these videos on his website. Shouldn’t CNN be saying “Theoretically, this plan works” or “Based on our research, this plan will fail”? Or maybe even “He barely even discussed a plan?” Something? How come on McCain’s video, CNN narrates and comments on what he’s saying but they just kind of let Barack go?

You’re CNN. You are CNN. You’re not some hilariously absurd website that can get away with posting tasteless articles asking to see the potential Vice President naked. You’re CNN. You have a responsibility.

…

Have you ever been fucked violently in the ear? And then your friend comes in and, instead of helping, starts telling you what the guy’s balls look like? That’s you. You’re that friend.

I want you to protect me from getting fucked, and all you’re saying is “Balls, balls balls.”

One more shot. Okay, I’ll head on over to FoxNews. They’ve got to be trustworthy. They’ve got “News” right there in the title, so to suggest seriousness, and “Fox,” so to suggest cleverness. Or perhaps that you can’t trust them around chickens.

Hey, FoxNews.com has clips of Sean Hannity’s interview with Sarah Palin. Sean says that it’s an uncensored interview, with no questions off limits! Palin has been fairly reluctant to speak, and FoxNews offers a no-holds-barred interview? The Bloodsport of interviews? Hot damn, we’re cooking with gas!

Let’s see, on the subject of what’s to be done about the Economy, Sarah Palin says “We’ve gotta cure this. By reform.” Now, moving on to-

Wait. No. That can’t be enough of an answer. That’s way too obvious. Our current system led to the giant retarded Wall Street implosion, so of course the answer is reform. I mean, after the economic week we’ve had, if you asked me what I think we should do, with my absolutely nonexistent background in economics, all I’d be able to say would be “Hey, you know our old plan that ended up turning into a shit sandwich? Let’s not keep doing that.” Are you saying that’s enough to satisfy you, Hannity? Can I be Vice President?

…

Come on, Media. We’re coming off some rough years as far as trust in our government goes. As a country, we’re paying closer attention than ever. Do your job.

Tell me something useful.